Nihilists in Space

Chapter 1:

“Edwardo’s?” Hesh suggested. Taz looked at him, puzzled. “As if there’s something better to do on a Tuesday morning, did you even have to ask?" Hesh pressed some buttons on the dashboard and minutes later the two emerged from their mini-cruiser, greeted by a cursive neon flicker that read simply: “Edwardo’s”.

Edwardo’s was a place where a man could enjoy just about anything: drinking, smoking, killing cuddy innocent animals. Yes, for the right price, almost any desire could be satisfied. But for Hesh and Taz, and anyone over the age of 16 for that matter, these simple pleasures had lost their charm entirely. Edwardo’s was packed 24/7/749 for one reason and one reason only: Sexubi. Created by geneticists shortly after the Fourth Punic War, Sexubi had everything a man could want in a woman, only more of them. Better yet, a guy never had to worry about getting a Sexubi pregnant.

Hesh opened the door, “You first” he joked as he walked in ahead of Taz. They both laughed. “Shall we pay Skittles another visit?”, Hesh suggested. Taz didn't respond. "Yo Taz?" Again nothing.

Hesh turned around to notice Taz staring blankly into space. Hesh was a bit bewildered at the prospect of Taz deep in thought, til he remembered how many bowls the two had smoked earlier that morning. Well he wasn’t exactly sure, but he knew it was more than 3 and less than a million.

"Taz!”.

Taz looked at Hesh, “Hey man, I was thinking”.

Hesh chuckled, “Oh really?”.

“Yea, I was thinking how strange it is that we’re both 24, but we’re still virgins. I mean, neither of us has ever had woman.” That cannabis must have been some good stuff Hesh mused, “Well, I'm pretty sure everyone under 73 is in the same space boat”.

“But haven’t you ever wondered what it’s like?” Taz insisted.

“Look Taz, I’ve never heard anyone express the slightest remorse about the women’s movement to Venus."

“Yea, but anyone that was alive back then is so old now, what do they know?”

“We learned about this in grade school: after the creation of Sexubi, the invention of the artificial womb, and the failure of women to contribute to anything to the professional world, all the women got together and went to colonize Venus. They told us to call when we missed them and wanted to stop oppressing them, but that never happened. Our forefathers were happy to see them go.”

“Honestly Hesh, I’m getting tired of this place. Think how epic it would be if we did what no man has done in 73 years.”

“Haven’t you hear the stories about how Venus has become a barely hospitable wasteland?”, Hesh countered.

“All the more excitement. If any of those women are still alive, I want to find them.”

“Alright, I’ll come as long as you let me film it and upload it to the extranet.”

"Deal!"